There was a time, nineteen I
was,
I gave a party just because...
That time of year, that certain day
When boys get drunk and have their way.
There came a guy from my old
school,
His girlfriend found him most uncool.
As nom de plume, I'll call her 'Deb',
While my old chum was quite a Zeb.
Now most the guys came from my
town,
Thought they were studs of high renown,
One of them was 'Evel Kneivel',
The other, I'll call Pip the Weasel.
And what 'Deb' thought, I'll only
guess,
But something must have caused that mess,
Did Zeb not know what it was for..?
That floppy thing inside his drawers...
'Tis very sad for Grammar boys,
They have the most expensive toys,
'Cept for that toy they get from God,
They only use it on their tod.
So kindly Pip the local stud,
Thought to help out this Grammar dud,
He led Deb down the lane called "Spink's"
They had their way, then forty winks.
Ungrateful Zeb, with his
pen-knife,
Vowed to find and end Pip's life,
But 'Evel' said "Man, don't get mad
Get even, let's go find Pip's pad."
So Pip's off one way, shagging
Deb,
In quite another way goes Zeb,
Said Evel, "you'll give him a fright,
If you climb through that high sky-light..."
"Into his bedroom, round the
back,
You'll give old Pip a heart attack,
Just Promise, and we'll make the trip,
That you won't puncture poor old Pip."
So up Pip's drain-pipe Zebedee
goes,
Where Pip and 'Deb' are, goodness knows,
But Zeb is drunk, and so slips back,
The pipe gives way with quite a crack.
The broken drain pipe cost a
bit,
But Pip dun't heed to all that squit,
A quid or two he don't much mind,
That jus work out ten bob a grind.
And if my language does offend,
This pome is nearly at its end,
But still, avoid Zeb's fate for sure,
Make sure you know what things are for.
Andy Morley January 31st 2004
